The past three weeks since I’ve come back from my retreat have been I can say the most challenging psychologically, being at my weakest emotionally, feeling empty.
Could that state of confusion be a manifestation of the contrast between my old-self and new/true-self? I changed but the world around me hasn’t …. how can I find my place again knowing that I can’t undo what has been stretched out in me, I can’t un-know what I now know ? Dr. Wayne Dyer said “when you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change”. Well I wish it was that simple but this is not what has been happening….
So now I’m thinking… Could this state of not knowingness/emptiness be that I’m going through what Joseph Cambell calls the stage of Spiritual Death & Rebirth in my Heroe’s Journey? So that I just need to let go of the old -that I have actually seen/heard again in my head and more loudly these past weeks, holding me back, criticizing me, sabotaging me- meaning “let go of the banana” like we call it in the MKE language to be reborn and let my new-self out? The way she was intended to be, Whole, Perfect, Powerful, Loving, Harmonious and Happy? Who doesn’t pretend not to know anymore that she is enough and has all the power he needs within herself? That she is powerful beyond measure and pure potentiality? That the universe needs her talents to be a better place?