It has been 3 weeks I have not given the time to write this blog that is a weekly requirement to the program … well my automatic way to finally deal with that today was to, like a good student, go back to the material and reconnect myself to it, read my notes taken during the webcast and here and there when something came up along the weeks, gather as much information as I could…. to finally “produce” what was supposed to be done. And that’s where my mind went first.
But as I was starting the process it didn’t feel right, more like unauthentic, so I stopped and asked myself… is this really what it comes down to? Do what you’ve always done, meaning doing what you are supposed to do, respect the rules, covering up your imperfections to fit in/look good, not listening to neither showing your true self, doing what people expect/want you to do? And being still there besides all the work you have done and things you have learnt in the passed 5 months?? NO! It served me well so far and helped me develop useful skills but here and now it is not what I need, I don’t want to be her anymore as I am so much more aware of myself and my environment, and awake! There is no turning back, the cement has to go entirely!
As I was becoming aware and typing about this realization I started to cry because of shame, guilt, fear to be seen and sadness recognizing a part of me is still this little girl (afraid of not being/looking good enough….). But I know that what is behind these tears is freedom, unlimited growth, omnipotence, abundance, happiness as I keep putting down and destroying barriers instead of going over them like a hurdle! Realization being the key to change and growth, recognition being “The one and only condition of spiritual power” and “what we do will necessarily coincide with what we “are” and what we are depends upon what we “think” “(Haanel lesson 20), and thanks to the law of substitution and how we can use the components of comfort zone (fear, anger/sadness, guilt, unworthiness, hurt feelings) as powerful tools to change, I am fully equipped to keep shedding my carapace off!
The second lesson I am learning today is multitasking is really a myth. We have been told but I always think I can do almost as well, that it is just a question of working harder but once again the facts are there… looking back at when I for the first time missed a week writing my blog, it was right after I started on an additional “90 day challenge” within my MLM business that also requires daily tasks and focus for few hours per day. Well as a result I lost both sides, not being able to be efficient and productive completing my daily/weekly tasks in neither, not only failing myself what brought up some more guilt, unworthiness, some form of anger (I had been wondering for weeks where this irritability, impatience, judgmental attitude were coming from!), but also failing my teammates here in the MKE program by not contributing but also within my business team.
If I had to summarize how I feel after these last 5/6 weeks done less than half way -till a week ago, when to myself and to Carmel (my mastermind Buddy) I said I had enough wasting 4+ months of work I must get back on top, to “excellence” (like she calls it)!- I have noticed during these passed 2 weeks that I feel like a chameleon, a contortionist: I can adapt and become what they desire to be, do what they wish to do, with ease and empowering emotions -perfect timing as we just switched to Scroll 6 few days ago “I will be master of my emotions”; at least I am ahead for this one! 😉 – and probably the reason why Haanel lesson 21 has been one of my favorites so far, while lesson 22 completely supports what I attempt to communicate to my personal training clients, that diseased conditions generally are the manifestation of our thoughts. I also believe the powerful question we have been asked to answer several times a day has facilitated this easiness of adaptation: “What would the person I intend to become do next?” What a key tool again when followed by actions. I love it!
Bouncing from the general idea generated in lesson 22, I want to say I also notice how I feel sometimes even more than before separate from “the world” around me… I pretty much have been in a bubble for the last 5+ months and when I get to reconnect with the outside of the MKE world (outside of my regular schedule), I observe people and see so much more clearly and deeply how much can be done to make this world a better place; and even if it is ultimately each of us choice to evolve or not, and “apparent” comfort is often the preferred survival choice, I keep in mind Haanel 17. lesson 21: “Do not hesitate to aspire to the highest possible attainments in anything you may undertake, for the mind forces are ever ready to lend themselves to a purposeful will in the effort to crystallize its highest aspirations into acts, accomplishments, and events.”
And one more I really love I want to share with you: “We can live more abundantly every time we breathe, if we consciously breath with this intention.” Hannel 20. lesson 20